Before you, feelings of love went outward. External. A force that came from my heart but that roared out and enveloped. Something I gave to others, gave out like a gift. A tangible ‘item’, a thing.
But now you. Now you are here it’s like I’ve found the hidden secret of raw love. This love still comes from my heart but it roots downwards. Inwards. It becomes me, my bones, every atom, every fibre. It is a cord that connects to being alive. It is everything connected, but at the same time highlighting the minute and tiny beats. Raw-love. It IS.
You influence my every move now. And I still get it totally wrong. Daily. Hourly. But this river of deep deep deep truth of love means I know that in the end, I am doing it right too.
My love is a wave. It’s a tsunami, it’s a Storm. But also a silence, a solace, a place that can’t even be described.
This love makes me understand the world more, and less in many ways. How people can act with such great greed, hatred. I also now wholeheartedly believe that the only way we can change anything or shape the world is through raw love.
Raising our children through this feeling. Turning back to our parents, our families, with this feeling. Simply living this feeling outwards.
I want every person I meet to take a little of it away as a seed for feeling totally connected, understood, accepted and wholly seen. It is a magnificent feeling, a magical force. I know my words are flowery but once you see the golden colour of this love…. you are forever changed.
It is there in the spectacular moments but really, the moments where the colour of it is the brightest is in the mundane. The totally ordinary real life in between, tear sodden, milk stained, bored, confused, lonely, ordinary days.
And so my words for you my son. My daughter. This love you created in me. I want you to carry it from me in you always, and when you are grown, I hope it is set alight in you too.
One day I hope you fully understand. Full circle.