We made it!! And god we were as scared as hell. Even though it is exactly as we were expecting – it’s still shocked us how MUCH it is. A total overwhelm to the senses. And to two people who have become soft and safe and comfortable back in Yorkshire for the last 10 years – it was a totally thrown back in at the deep end moment. Even though we’ve been planning and conscious of everything we’ve booked and done, its all felt a bit like a dream. Something I didn’t get too excited for just in case it never happened, as it had done before. And then the plane journeys involving two children with croup in the end and no sleep for 48 hours…. Well I think it just added fuel to the fire of a total out of body experience arriving up in to Ubud.
The same things that used to fire me up and make me feel alive as a young twenty something in South East Asia, has me hyperventilating in panic now trying not to lose my mind and do a runner.
It is so extremely beautiful and lush. The people could not be kinder or more helpful. But the environment. It’s like I imagine being on speed would be like. Everthing is ramped up – heat, noise, smells, just the total strangeness of it all. And I knew it was all coming. I’ve been to similar places before and absorbed it like a drug. I so I am more shocked that we were so blindsided.
And all I can put it down to when I think of it it is that it’s becoming parents. Everywhere before were my faith and confidence was high , that something bad just wouldn’t happen. Where before I was aware and safe but not thinking of the worst case. Well now it seems I’ve become the opposite. It’s slowly lessening as the days go by and I hope that it recedes so that it is not my primary state on this trip. I want to fully embrace and appreciate and love this experience without the edge of fear. I know it will go, I just wish it would hurry up.
Both of the littles have been really sick. It’s been scary. Throw into that a moped ride with them both as soon as we arrived, another night of no sleep, and falling insects in the dark from the roof of our beautiful home…… I think anybody would feel the way we did on that first real day. Pretty much totally terrified and wondering what the hell we had done!?!
But. It gets better. God does it get better.
We found a great doctor who took care of our babies. We took some deep breaths and connected to some people within the community. We remembered that the rice paddies are naturally going to have loooots of creepy crawlies. Its normal. (can you hear the convincing going on here?).
Noah is just into everything. I mean he will literally touch (and eat) everything. He loves the people. He wont stop talking. He is not remotely phased by the heat or the noise. He just wants to do, and move, and be. He is our greatest blessing of the trip so far.
Erin has blown our minds with her ease at taking on this strange new world. She loves it. She likes our little home and has set up her own rhythms already. Each morning she is picking offerings to mimic those made by the people here. Leaving her flowers out around the house and garden. She has a little pouch of silver tokens from home that she gets out at every opportunity. Shes started to sit in her own little dreamworld. Happy but present. Its beautiful to watch. I don’t know if it’s the closeness our family is enjoying because its just us and no where to be. Or wether the strangeness and the change has done her more good than we anticipated. Or that she has been so sick but that we were all together and shes now confident whatever happens we will make it out the other side. Whatever the reason, I am happy for it.
Many plans to make, but for now, for these first few days we are just rolling with the hour. It’s a wonderful feeling.