The Quiet

We made it home. A whirlwind beautiful ending to our adventure with family in Canberra. And there it was. The end. The end of the long anticipated leap from daily life. The end of no plans and freedom and space to grow and room to change and hashing out all of the bullshit we’d been building in our lives for the past 17 years.

Our adventure was so so good. It’s exactly what we needed, alongside what we were dreaming of.

And after it was done, I was so excited to be coming ‘home’. Feeling at a place of strength and contentment. Ready to put our feet back on Yorkshire soil, with the people we love. And being living our lives authentically, consciously, with daily choice and a new rhythm of slower and good for us. No more duty or shoulds. Lots of careful self-care. Time at last for our own selves, and our little unit of 4 to be the priority around which we build our daily lives.

I have to admit we rode back in on a blaze of glory and I was expecting our lives back home to begin fresh. With lots of changes and new patterns and assuming that the world, and our loved ones, would just slot in beautifully around it all. It was in fact a bit of a crash landing after all. Maybe my dreamer heart is always a but naive? Whatever the reason I’m always pushed easily when my version of the world is challenged. Or maybe I’ve just never been tested before motherhood and so learning how to be strong takes a lot of practice. And the lessons just keep on a coming.

I love the cold we’ve come home to. Truly. I am a winter soul at heart. The chance to have a reason to be slow, and curled inwards, and resting and charging up. Time to think and snug and warm up and uncoil.

We’re staying put for a while. Now that we appreciate the value of the things we have here, in this house, in this town, at this season of our lives. A little tweaking to make it like home again and it is right for us right now.

And inside the home and our own family dance it could not be sweeter. We know who we are. We know what we need. We now know how to take care of ourselves. With love, and respect, and a real understanding borne from living and breathing each other daily for the last 3 months.

It’s stepping our toes back in to life around us that’s blowing me around a little. Buffeting against the sails and I wasn’t expecting a storm to come with the feeling of new found strength. It’s a good thing. Testing our ship and the ropes and sails we have built. It’s kind of scary. But exciting too. And nothing threatening either. Just the simple ins and outs of daily life, admin, demands, boundary testing, the needs of more than one voice. Real life I guess.

And as long as I keep the reminders close of the choices we made, and the dreams we spoke of, and the daily stars we want to navigate by. Then this ship is sailing just fine. I’ve just got to hold my nerve and keep my hand on the wheel. Right here is where both the real adventure and the test truly begins.

We’ve joked all of our married life that my husband is the Captain and I am the Navigator. I think and research and dream and tell him the path to take….and he is the one with the fire and the drive and the power to get us moving towards that distant destination. And now we have two beautiful little crew members. Both of them teaching us daily and taking up the same space and importance as us.

And so instead of raring ahead and go go go like life around us. I am embracing this month as a month of quiet. And resettling. I am not rushing or forcing or bending. This life going forward is so important to us. To me. That we move forward the way that we have always wanted. Because it’s so easy to get swept up into the daily race again. And I don’t want to be moved along in the flow of that river anymore.

We are sailing our own ocean now. Navigating it the way our hearts have told us for years but we’ve never been brave enough to listen. Well now those voices are too loud to ignore and my body and soul feel strong. Our own story. It’s time.

Categories: Family, Personal

wildhearts

Seeking connection, always. Capturing raw moments. Being open. Being honest. Talking about it all. Documenting all of the threads that hold us together. Travelling. Homeschooling. Living. Loving x

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